Hi Belle！！　

When you set off on the solo trip, what did you think you would find? 
An epiphamy? If so, how will it be revealed?

That's the question I asked myself for the first 3 days after my return to Japan.

Why am I here?
I feel so alone.
Isn't solo trip supposed to be inspiring? 
I miss everyone back home. 
I probably can't fall asleep tonight. I can't do this.

When I clicked the "confirm" key for payment, my mind was made to return to this fascinating place that captured my heart. I was ready (in my head) to rediscover Japan on my own.

Unfortunately, I was a ball of misery.
I felt very lost, being alone on my own, in a strange city. 

I started doubting myself- why am I doing this to myself... 

For the past 2-3 days, I kept getting lost in this city. Somewhere, very lost, in the crowd. GPS was not very useful in an Asian city. Instead of blocks, there are meadering alleryways. It is hard to describe or guide with technology. With tall and humongous buildings, GPS loses signals; often, I ended up walking in the wrong direction. 

Most of the time wasted being lost.

I am a lover of Japanese cuisine. Especially sashimi and izakaya food (with ume shu!) Unluckily, so far, I haven't been able to eat at the places I wanted. 

Sushidai at Tsukiji - failed. Got bullied out of the lineup.
Ganso - lost in the Shinjuku station, always.
Kitsuna sushi - Lost in the metro station. Unable to find the right exit. 
Ichiran ramen - lost in Shinjuku and Shibuya alley ways.

Perhaps, my sense of direction is just worse than average, so I am lost a lot of the times. 

When that happens, I just give up and choose to go home. Today, I've had enough. GPS said the Ganso sushi is only 1 min away; then I rushed out of the underground supermarket, and followed the GPS's instruction. Then it said I'm actually a lot further away than before... so it did not sense my previous location at all. Alone in the crowded block of Shibuya, like a thread lost in the wind; pushed, pulled, pushed... then something odd happened. I was determined to just keep going. I was go further into the unknown because I am tired of being lost. I am tired of being afraid of the dark. 

The cement in legs went away... first stride, second, third... 

A lone female, travelling into the unknown of Shinjuky. You attract some attention. Rather than feeling scared, I held my head high like I belonged. In that moment, I knew what I wanted (the sushi!) and I will keep going...

Ooedo Sushi. The sigh said. Looking at the crowd inside, it seemed like a strange world. I reached out my hand, and opened the door.

I felt... renewed. I went back to hotel later than usual. But I felt at peace. I was flushed with a sense of calmness.